my fat ass

I hadn't blogged at all this week and it's already Tuesday.  I've been avoiding it...Nothing new or exciting happening and the only thing on my mind lately is my fat ass.  Unlike a lot of fat women, I don't usually sit and whine about how thin I used to be.  Women like that make me want an ice cream cone.  Thin was a long time ago....like since puberty started around age 10.  Loonnnnng time.... 

Lately I've spent a ridiculous amount of time obsessing about my fat ass.  I bought new jeans about 2 weeks ago and it was the first time in about 12 years that I had to go up a size.  It really depressed the hell out of me.  I can deal with being fat, but I'm having MAJOR issues with getting fatt-er.  Nothing seems to fit right.  I think I need to be measured for a new bra size.  It's killing me. 

I tried to tell Josh about it, but he's not feeling me.  Said he didn't want to hear me bitching.   What the hell?  Bitching is what I do best.  Fat people aren't feeling my pain.  The one person who actually let me rant and made sense is skinny. (Like FOR REAL skinny, not just comparatively speaking.)  

And I know that I need to eat right.  I know that I need to excercise.  I know cookies and coffee shouldn't be breakfast. I know I shouldn't eat out as often as I do.  I know I know I know! 

But it's hard forming new habits.  I'm trying, but I still forget.  I had a salad yesterday, but when my coworker took me out to lunch, I sure did order the chicken fried steak.  Then I got back and cursed myself and I've been sitting here feeling guilty for the past 2 hours. 

I've never actually been on a diet.  I've seen other people diet and lose weight and plump back up.  I don't want to diet.  I want to get to the point where eating right becomes second nature.  That's step one...but it seems step one is almost a story tall and I have short little legs.  (jump, cynthia, jump)

I keep thinking about how I used to do my Richard Simmons everyday.  That box is so dusty now, I probably couldn't read the title.  Juana and I used to go walking.  I'd be out of breath and sweaty, but it felt good.  Juana is good for motivating my fat ass.  She's also evil enough to take away my tortillas.  (Remind not to sit by her on vacation)  I'm gonna have to do one or the other or both. 

Now I don't know that I actually want to be skinny, but I'm definitely through with fatt-er.

It's been a crazy week

Monday I went into work with a smile.  I'm not sure why, but I was feeling optimistic.  There was that crap about getting stuff out, but I stayed busy with other work so it was all ok.  That night I went to the Dollar store to get the finishing touches for Alex's Valentines mailbox.  We also went to walmart to buy stuff for cupcakes.  We decorated a shoebox-paper, markers, construction paper, neoprene, lycra and a hot glue gun.  I'll have to post a pic later.

Tuesday.   I woke up more or less on time.  Forgot to give Alex his requested lunch money again.  I still went in to work smiling again.  There was some kind of something going on in the office.  Doors were closed, phones on DND.  I didn't ask.  That night, Alex and I baked the cupcakes...it was fun and they came out nicely.  We also assembled baggies with candy and valentine cards--Ninja Turtles, I think.  I had printed labels at work with heart backgrounds and each child's name.  Very cute.  I also realized around 9 p.m. that the drink insulators I had made for his class in red were still in my office.  Josh and I did a midnight Walmart run.  I bought Sunny Delight to put in the insulators as the school has a no pop policy.

Wednesday.  I go in and get right to work as I have a ridiculous amount of stuff to do.  I smile my polite smile, but I lost the real one somewhere.  I didn't log into messenger all morning.  I *worked*, yes, really worked solid, until about 1 p.m. when I went to lunch.  During ""lunch"", I grabbed my insulators and ran out the door.  I stopped by the 7-11 to get the principal a diet dr pepper (I figured he could bend the rule)  It impressed him that I knew his preferred drink.  I have remarkable recall for personal details and things that can't make me money.  I sat outside the office and shoved 18 Sunny Ds into their respective insulators and lugged the box to Alex's class where they were just getting ready to hand out valentines.  My baby handed them out as the class oooh-ed and aaaah-ed.  Doesn't take much to impress 3rd graders.  Our mailbox won ""most creative"". 

Thursday.  I did the work I didn't do Wednesday for finally getting all those packages out the door.  Kept out of sight.  Heard about it all later.  Blah.  Still done with the majority of work my lunchtime.  Went out to lunch with new girl who is very nice...it was a much-appreciated break.  After work, the cubscout meeting started early at the local fire station.  It's nice in there.  We took cookies, listened to a talk and got to roam about the fire truck and ambulance.  I think I took 2 pictures.  Had dinner at Souper Salad.  I had never been.  Very tasty.  I like the ginger bread.

Friday.  Took for-freaking-ever to get here.  Went to work pouting.  Avoided contact.  Realized I still hadn't given Alex lunch money from Monday.  Took an early lunch and took him Wendy's and dropped money into his account to last the next 2 months.  He was pouty because I had forgotten. World's Worst Mother?  No, all is forgiven...a well-timed frosty goes a long way.  Tonight is Boy's Night In...this week I have been allowed to stay.  Blockbuster and pizza.  When I went to pick up the pizza the kid asked, ""For George?""  He didn't believe me when I gave him a list of names, none of which were George.  Finally I told him I'd take George's order.  He looked at me like he knew I was George and just playing with him all along.  Oddly enough, George ordered exactly what Josh did. 

I dunno what we're doing tomorrow.  Possibly a dollar show.  I said maybe to dinner at Joe's Crabshack with other single parents.  I'll see how we feel.  Sunday I need to go to church and pray next week is better.

Two Minutes

Monday 10:00 a.m.

Boss:  If I give you the list of contacts from the trade show last week, can  you get all the packets out by tomorrow?

Me: (considers list of things to do)  Yes, I can.  No problem.

Boss: Okay...well, I want to get that list in order and I'll give it to you in a minute.

Me:  Okay

~~~~ an hour later ~~~~

Me:   So...you have that list for me?

Boss: No, I was talking to J. and we got to discussing x, y, z, and then I realized that I needed to work on d, e & f and then I got on the phone with M. from Shop Q....~~~ 20 minutes later ~~~ so I'll have it for you after lunch.

Me: okay

3:00 p.m

Me: So...that list?   You can just give me the business cards.  I'll sort them.

Boss:  Well, I want to go through them and personalize the form letter for each of them and that should only take a minute or two.

Me: Okay (what I thought was ""2 minutes? )

4:58 p.m.

Boss: I didn't finish the list yet.  Come in early tomorrow and we'll get started on it.

Me: Okay.

Tuesday, 7:55 a.m. (yes, I arrived 5 whole minutes early!)

Me:  Has anyone seen Boss?

*silence*

9:10 a.m.

Boss arrives.  Goes into meetings....

11:40 a.m.

Me: I'm gonna need that list if you want it to ship today.  What do you have...30 leads?

Boss: 55

Me:   Okay.  I need the list now if I'm gonna get it all done by 4 when shipping shuts down.

Boss:  Alright.  First let me get with J. and see if he wants to add anything to the letter.

Me:  Okay.

12:45

Me: Anyone seen Boss or J???

CW: They went out to lunch.

Me: Puh...

Boss:  This is a list of the literature I'm going to need.

Me:  We don't have this, this or this...

Boss:  Print them up and make it say THIS!

Me: Okay

2:30

Me: Tada!  Now where's the contact list?

Boss:  Let me stand over your shoulder and dictate revisions to this letter.

4:50

Letter complete.  Packets assembled. Shipping guy is long gone.

Boss: These packets won't ship today...I'll just give you the business cards and contact forms tomorrow.

girl clothes

I love my job (most days) for lots of different reasons...one of the simplest being the complete and total disregard for wardrobe requirements.  At the lawfirm there were no shorts, capris, gauchos, sandals, gym shoes, open-toed or open-heel shoes, short skirts, sleeveless shirts, denim of any kind and you had to wear hosiery.   I've rolled in here in holey jeans, a tank top and flip flops and not gotten a second look.  Love it!  But, there are days when we have guests and Leland comes to me the day before and tells me in an apologetic tone to "dress nice."   I don't mind, except that I have to iron because all my "work clothes" are stashed away.  Today I have on a skirt Juana gave me and sweater I purchased on clearance with actual panty hose and cute, retro, secretary shoes with a little bow plus I wore make up.  Can you stand it?  I've gotten compliments all morning.  I don't know if I like how shocked people sound when they say them, (new girl about fell out) but I'll take what I can get.  Now if I dressed up and did my make-up everyday, people would expect me to look like this all the time.  I'd rather be extra-cute dressing girly for a day than not-as-cute going american casual once in a while.  Feel me?