random nonsense

I keep meaning to put a couple of coherent thoughts down, but I haven't been having coherent thoughts so you're stuck reading this:

Mondays are hard. I don't sleep enough on a good weekend; I go out and have fun and it's soooooo worth it.  I wear cute stuff and do my make up and look like ""a slutty mexican"".  I take it as a compliment.  I'd like to go dancing.  If anyone knows a good place to go in the DFW area and won't be embarrassed by my lack of coordination, please hit me up.

Recently, I had a brief conversation about the movie ""The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover""  It's a fine film...disturbing, but well done.  Last night I had a dream about cooking someone and getting rid of the body by eating them and serving him to people as bbq pulled pork....that's not what happens in the movie, but I'm thinking that's where the dream came from.

Recently, two of my razors were thrown away...not the disposable kind either.  I had men's Gillette Sensor Exels...had one of them for years and I would just buy the refill cartridges.  Well....I left one at a friend's house and my sister went on a cleaning spree and they both got thrown away.  Not a huge deal, but I had to go buy a replacement.  So I'm at Walmart looking at the huge display of choices and I say to myself, ""Self, the women's razors are more expensive.  This could mean a) the razor companies suck or b) they probably work better.""  I went with b...I can't remember the last time I was so wrong.  I change that damn head all the time and they cost about 60% more than my Sensor refills.  I've come to the conclusion that I have man hair on my legs.  This bothers me just a tad, but admitting the problem will lead to smoother legs.

My nails keep breaking and they were so cute.  Now I have man hands...to match my man-hairy legs.  (Shit)

I want ice cream.  We have popsicles, but it's not the same.

I miss my baby.  He's almost 9...wow...9....but he's still my baby.  We talk on the phone and he just cracks me up.  That boy has got a crazy sense of humor.  I could say that I don't know where he gets it, but I know it's from his crazy daddy.  He'll be back in a week...my son, not his crazy daddy.  I needed a break, but I miss my precious little monkey.  I'm really pretty pathetic without him.  My baby likes ice cream...think I'll call him up and see what he did today.

male pattern

My boss is in Canada this week and Kansas next week.  Last week he was in Atlanta, GA, but I'm not lonely...he calls me at least four times a day to ask if anything is going on and if I've finished stuff yet.  Stuff I would finish if he'd stop calling me to add more crap to the top of my thing-a-doo list.  How am I supposed to get my nap in if he keeps calling here?  I smile and tell him it'll all be done by 4:00.  He's a wee bit spoiled.

The owner of the company is out on the golf course today.  He calls me to look up phone numbers and such.  He calls me for driving directions while he's on the road.  He calls me to call his wife to tell her he's gonna be late, but not tell her why.  He's a wee bit spoiled.

I spent no less than three hours massaging feet this weekend...that's only counting time spent on the feet!  He's just a wee bit spoiled.

My son called.  He said I need to send him $50 spending money and $100 more that he owes my mom.  Does Kris have his fireworks yet?  Can he fly home?--driving takes too long.  He's just a teeny wee bit spoiled.

I am a blog thief

My sister posted this on her Yahoo 360 and I said to myself, ""That's a damn fine blog...I think I'll steal it.""  I also added a line or two ... FYI--I'm Wyrd.  So here it is:

The familia has different rules than most families.  It's what makes us unique. 

Rule 1.  Every sibling is stupid.  It's not uncommon to begin a conversation with Wyrd or a call to V with ""Your sister is so stupid!""  The proper reply to this is: ""Which sister now?"" or ""Yes she is! Which one?"" 

Rule 2. They are always the sibling's family, not your own.  When speaking to Wyrd, it is proper form to say: ""Your father said x.""  or ""Have you called your mother?"" or ""Your tia is in town.""

Rule 3.  There are no clear-cut relationships.  Lil Brother, Cousin E, Uncle E, Nephew  E are all the same person and can be used interchangeably by any member of the familia.  Everyone (child, grandchild, great grandchild) calls Wyrd's mother and father Mama and Dad.

Rule 4.  There is only community property.  Grab a set of keys and take any car.  Spend the night in whichever house.  Sleep on any bed.  Wear whatever's cute.  (it's $3 a gallon...put gas in my ride! and be advised Mama is probably 2,000 miles overdue for an oilchange)

Rule 5.  Children have multiple mothers.  Any child regardless of color or age will be scolded, spanked, punished, kissed, hugged, or claimed in public as mijo/mija at any time by any member of the family.  (Unless they embarrass me in public, in which case I announce,  ""I can't wait to get you home to your mother!"" or ""I'm not your mother, but I'll whoop you for her.)

Rule 6.  Anything said or done is immediately relayed across the country to any family member except Mama and Dad.  This applies to anything positive or negative and currently only includes 3 states. (On the record, I don't know shit and I ain't in it.)

Rule 7.  Everything is funny.  There is no topic, regardless of the nature, which cannot be joked about to lighten the mood.  This includes death, crime, baby-daddy jokes, etc.

Rule 8.  All children inherit bad traits from their fathers.  Since only the females have spawned children, this is universal.  Sweat glands, feet, body hair, etc. all come from the male gene pool. (I dunno...lil brother has Juana's monkey toes)

Rule 9.  You make the call when you get that feeling.  The are-you-pregnant? feeling-ok? been-in-jail-lately? No? well, have-you-heard-from-your-sister? call.

I was misinformed

Damn the shitty gossipers who can't get a story right.  Turns out it's not the GM, but the production manager.  Now I'm celebrating...he is so damn creepy!  Always walking around looking all slimey-pervy.  Never does shit!  NEVER!  More useless than "Tits"(which is what we call the GM's secretary as she has no actual skill set and we see no other reason for her employment)  I am so glad that fool is leaving...he talks so slow it causes me physical distress to listen to him.  I feel like a trapped rat when he walks in my office cuz I can't think of anywhere to go...I've tried faking a bladder problem, but he just sits and waits for me to come back and he never has a real reason!!!  Not once has he ever come to me with something I can help him with.  He wants someone to tell him that they'll do it for him.  Guess what?  Not gonna be me!  I have a whole bunch of stuff to do for order processing, administrative stuff, sales stuff, promos and the newsletter.  What the hell does he want me to do?  Give up blogging?  Sheesh!

Jim

I found out yesterday that our general manager is retiring.  Really, it's overdue; he's old and has major health issues.  He's not a bad fellow and he had the good sense to hire me so it's a little sad when everything gets factored in.  He's LOUD and a touch PUSHY and IMPATIENT, but those things I can forgive. (I kinda have to, no?)

I know that the owners have a couple of people in mind for the position wo are going to ""get this place in line.""  There was some talk of a dress code. Yikes!  One of the things I enjoy about working here is the complete and total lack of dress code.  Today I have cut offs, my Chuck Taylors with froggy socks and ""Never underestimate the power or stupid people in large groups"" tshirt. 

When we have out-of-town company, I put on a dress and wear make-up and comb my hair into something other than a bun.  My boss tries to encourage me to do this everyday by saying things like, ""You look really professional.""  duh.  I have a professional wardrobe, as I worked at a lawfirm for three years...I just hate pantyhose and hard-soled shoes. 

My boss says, ""It's all about image.""  I agree with that.  I have the best phone voice in the businsess.  I proofread like my 11th grade English teacher (Mrs. Dakich was the bomb) and I'm all all about customer service...but I work in the sales office of a production warehouse.  No one sees me except the people who work here and that's only when I'm getting coffee or walking to the bathroom.  The owner of the company wears shorts and loafers with no socks....where's my motivation to dress to impress?

Hopefully, the owners will have enough sense to keep the place low-key and laid back....why add stress to a good thing?  Awww damn!  I just thought of something.... I'm probably gonna have to start being on time for work now.  Where will it end?!?!?

Good times

They both (eventually) promised to be loving and faithful spouses. Scott and Gretchen are the perfect couple.  If they weren't both such amazing people, I'd probably puke, but they are and I was so happy for them I cried...4 times.  But I was in good company with Scott's mom and sister and only really lost it once.

This weekened (in random order) I:

dressed like a girl.  had some waitressing action going.  had a village hot dog and Luigi's chicken wings.  had an Indian girl do my eybrows at the mall.  slept a lot.  didn't have a chance a the bouquet. forgot my camera.  forgot the card twice.  was one of the guys.  chilled in a hot tub.  laughed a lot.  cried some.  decided Terry probably really is gay (which contributed to the laughing). flew in a jet airplane for the first time.  talked really fast and had everyone understand.  missed my baby.  used ""he's a kocur"" as a complete explanation.  honked in a friendly way. wondered about 15 times why there's no White Castle in Texas. saw a lot of pregnant women.  hugged just about everyone I knew in Lake County at least twice.

weekend plans

My friends, Scott and Gretchen are getting married Friday.  I'm flying back to Indiana just for the occasion. 

On Thursday, for dinner, I plan on eating some chicken wings from Luigi's.  I don't care about Michael Jackson, Luigi's chicken wings are the best thing to ever come out of Gary.  For lunch, I'll probably get a Village Hot Dog.  Yes, it deserves capital letters.  I'm also going over to the Southlake Mall to get my eyebrows done by an Indian girl with some string...I haven't plucked all week. 

I still gotta find a dress cuz the one I was gonna wear, I'm just not feeling...unless I can find shoes.  I'm not sure what I'm doing Saturday or Sunday, but hopefully there are people who will have time to see me.  I'd make some phone calls if my cell phone still wasn't broken. 

BTW, Does everyone have my current number? (972).... Lemme know if I can bring you a hot dog.

Nah... that ain't it

I was sitting in my office, sipping my coffee, working on my latest project when the phone rang.  I brought the receiver to my ear,  prepared my phone voice and cheerfully said, "Good Morning..." and stopped.  All my mouth wanted to do was say, "Efron, Efron & Yahne".  I had to fight myself not to say it.  It was a much harder struggle than I ever would have imagined considering I haven't worked there since July 2005.  I managed not to say it, but for the life of me I could not come up with the name of company where I now work.  It seemed like an eternity.  Luckily the person on the other line recognized my voice and just jumped right into the conversation.  I talked to him briefly and hung up.  I seriously had to look at the sales order on my desk to remember where I work.  Sometimes I get tired of working here, but now that my brain reminded me of just how miserably I had it, I just gotta say I LOVE MY JOB!!!

I need alterations

I want a new tattoo.  A big, bright one.  I just don't know what I want.  And I may change my mind, but today it seems like a damn fine idea to get a little work done.  The Mutant Symbol, Ka, Unfound...maybe some roses or a flutterfly.  Maybe I'll pierce my nose while I'm at it!