He remembered he has a mother

The other day, I was leaving my friend's house and I was doing a check to make sure I had everything.  It was the same check Alex and I do every morning before we leave the house.  "Got my glasses, got my phone, got my keys, got my purse," and then I had to stop myself because the final thing on the checklist is "got my kid."  It made me so sad.  It's just me being selfish because by his own report he's having a great time. I've been going out almost every night.  It's kept my mind off missing him so much.  He finally called me today at work.  He and my mom witnessed the end of a car chase with the police where the truck flipped over.  They took pictures of the guy being arrested.  I guess he called again while I was at lunch.  According to his last voicemail, he and Mama were at Walgreen's getting their pictures developed to sell to a reporter from the newspaper.  I called him back, but he didn't answer his phone and he doesn't have voicemail on his Migo.  I'm sure I'll hear all about it.   He'll be back in a week, no doubt full of homemade tortillas, funny stories and accompanying photos.  I can't wait to read his byline.

off the high horse and into the gutter

The following is an email exchange.   Note how I go from beautiful to average to ugly in just seconds.  These are in readable order.  I obviously did not correct for spelling or grammar.

 

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michael  wrote:

Hello how are you,my name is Michael and i liked what you said on your (redacted) ad.Well i dont know what your age range is but im 38,never been maried and i do have one son.I will tell you a little bit about me.Im a white handsome male,6ft 220 lbs short blonde hair blue eyes,i dont smoke and drink very little if any.I do have a preference towards women i do love plus sized or bbw only and im proud of it.Also i prefer somene who is mexican or hispanic.Im a very out going person,well liked and nice to be around.I dont play games and im looking for something Long Term.I dont do bars or clubs,its just not my style,but if im out with that special someone i will go where she wants to go.Well i do have a pic if you want to see it go to www.myspace.com/busaman007 well i guess if you like then i would like to hear from you have a great day, Beautiful

Michael

 

cindy  wrote:

Hi there.  Your myspace page looks like you have your hands full with a couple of different women.

 

michael wrote:

Hey i have like 7 friends on there,and is that going to keep me from getting to know your better as a person,they are just friends.Im not like most people that have 20 or more friends on there.Well i would just like a chance with you,if you cant offer that then you must not be that interested in finding a good man have a great day

 

cindy  wrote:

I have over 40 friends, but none of them want to play naked twister or leave messages containing sexual innuendo.  Your high horse does not impress me.

 

Michael wrote:

Well i guess your really not looking for a good man then.I wont send you anymore emails after this.Your playing hard to get,and your not worth it.What it really boils down to is,your jealous that i do have some Beautiful women on there and your just a average women who thinks she is all that but in all realality your not shit.The reason why your single is cause another man got tired of your same old shit and dump you.NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH BEING SINGLE AND TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL LIKE YOU,WELL GOOD LUCK.Also if you send me a reply back i wont even read it,I WILL JUST DELETE IT SO DONT TRY IT.Well u can stay on that high horse,and maybe thats what you need is a horse cause your a cow.You just Wish you were Beautiful like the women i have on there.Stay FAT,UGLY AND SINGLE.

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I sent him one more email and told him to have a great day.  I don't play hard to get.  I go right after what I want, I'm aggressive that way.  But I don't want some fool who thinks it's ok to play me for a dumbass.  He's obviously special....like the Olympics.  That one chick loves him.  I don't compete for men as hot as Brad Pitt, I'm sure as hell not competing for an old, childish, inbred, backwards, backwoods, redneck, bald man.  Yes, I want a good man that's why I'm NOT going for him.  As for liking big girls, he sure did use the word ""fat"" like it was an insult.  And single is not a bad thing.  Not knowing how to spell ""you're"", that's a bad thing.  Desperation to be with someone because you can't stand yourself, that's a bad thing.  Pretending to be nice for 30 seconds when you're a 24-hour asshole, that's a bad thing.  Thinking I can be played, well, that's just assinine.

...and I never learn

Went out last night with yet another winner. First of all, he's been calling and IMing me all week.  I told him after three days that he was a bug-a-boo, hence my current music video.   He said he'd stop bothering me at work.  After that he'd send me messages saying that he just wanted to say hi, but not bother me.  Sadly, I agreed to meet with him *before* I knew all that crap would ensue.  I thought about cancelling several times, but figured 1) It was a free meal  and  2) He would probably do better in person.  I was half right. 

He picked a place to meet and said I'd like it.  He had never met me.  I was stuck in traffic for over an hour.  I hate that shit.  Then I get there and it is SO LOUD.  It's a restaurant with a tv at each table.  WTH?   Music, tv, people talking and my head throbbing from traffic.  A.D.D. hell.  He had summer teeth...some were here, some were there...his mouth was a hot mess and I could smell his rank breath across the table.

There's more, but that's already too much.  He's graciously deleted himself from my friends list.  Probably after I used the words ""incessant and relentless"" to describe what he did wrong.  Hey...he asked.

I just don't listen

I told my sister I was looking for a man online.   She mocked me.   She said:

No strings = married
Handsome = average
Average-looking = Ugly
A few pounds = a few pounds plus 50lbs
40ish = 63 +/- 2 years
$50,000-$75,000 salary = working at Burger King
Love kids = has 5 kids with 4 different women
Love sports = sit in front of the TV all weekend watching them
Educated = read a book once
Some college = thought about going once
Out-going = flirt with anything that has breasts
Family-oriented = a mama's boy
Looking for LTR = I'll take you on TWO dates before expecting sex

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I scoffed at her cynicism, rolled my eyes at her jaded attitude and went about browsing personal ads.

I went out for a drink last night with a man who said he was about my age and then during the course of our conversation said his gf became pregnant when he was 44. His son is now 8 years old. Um. 52 is not around 31...it's just not...at all.

He also said he was around 5'9"".  I'm 5'4"" and we were eye to eye. I don't think I grew five inches without noticing. He said he was average build, but was fatter than I am.

He said he was a gentleman and could understand women. He didn't understand I was trying to leave and came at me tongue first to say goodbye. I hope my shampoo tasted good.

If you meet in person the truth will come out. I tell you very honestly that I am short, I am fat, I am Mexican and I am cute.   I can't imagine what men actually think I look like  when so many lie so much. I'm just a normal fat chick looking for a date. I don't need a man to pay my bills. I don't want to meet at a hotel. Just a date. I guess that's just way too much to ask.

It's funny cuz it's true

In case you didn't know, I'm a terrible driver.  I've never denied it.  In fact, it's one of the first things I tell people.  I can't drive in the lines.  I can't pick a speed unless I have cruise control.  Once I set the cruise control, I'd almost rather rear-end someone than slow down.  When I turn, I usually hit the curb.  I'll usually call someone a crackhead at least once every ten miles.  Road rage--I'm glad to have a name for the absolute fury I feel at the dumbass who cut me off.  I LOVE to speed love, love, love...driving fast is pure pleasure.  I have a whole slew of tickets to prove it.  When I lived in Indiana and worked for the lawfirm, it never bothered me.  I'd type up the deferral myself.  Sadly, I have no such connections in Texas so I've had to slow down.    I don't know why I'm like this.  I took driver's ed.  I know the rules of the road.  I also could really care less.  A stop sign = a full and complete stop Yeah..um...pause briefly, check for cops, keep rolling.  Good times!  I tell everyone I'm a bad driver, but they never really believe me until they've experienced it first hand.  Everytime someone rides in my truck I'll see them grasping for something, sometimes with two hands, near the top of the passenger side window.  I finally asked one particularly grabby person what the hell they were doing.  They said were reaching for the oh-shit bar.  My truck doesn't have one. I don't feel bad especially for repeat passengers because I give the disclaimer before I make them buckle up.  Those same people *cough* *kris* *cough* ask me to drive when we go somewhere.  And then, blog about it like she didn't know.   

Consider yourself warned.  I'll be the designated driver, I'd much rather drive than drink, but that's not to say I'm a better driver sober than you might be drunk.  I just won't get arrested for DUI.

violence and alcohol

I've had to do a lot of work in the past two days after not doing a whole hell of a lot for past two weeks.  It's taken a toll on me.  I'm ready to kick John S. in the face with my golf cleats.  Ok...I don't actually own golf cleats and he's 6'3"" and I'm 5'4"" so I probably couldn't reach.  Hmm.  I'll go to the thrift store and get some golf cleats and wait till he's sitting down...and *then* I'll kick him in the face.

I'm so glad today is Friday...and I took Monday off.  Yay!  Go me!  Uh-huh! I need a frozen margarita and a massage.  If you can provide either, call me.

You're breaking my balls, man

(The title is my Cartman impression when he was selling fetuses)

All I want is to be a little evil! That's it!  Just the teeniest bit...a teensy-weensy itty-bitty bit evil.  Not a lot.  I could explain why I want to be evil and how and you might even chuckle.  Alas, the one person who would help me sharpen my pitchfork, isn't speaking to me.  Or I'm not speaking to him.... I'm not speaking to him.  God, help me...It's killing me.  It's not easy doing the right thing....even when the right thing is minding my own business.  All I have to do is not think about it.  I have the beginnings of a plan in my head and everything, several plans, really.  Garrrrrr....  Is it wrong to want to make someone feel stupid?  I suppose it is.  *sigh*  It is.  I still want to.

I need to go to church.  I need to go volunteer somewhere and do something positive.  I need to stick it to that bi....  No, no, no.  Happy thoughts.  Field of flowers. Floating Bubbles.  Butterflies.  Yeah...Butterflies!

Date, Not-Date...

I was supposed to go to a movie tonight with Joe--first date.  He never called.  I think he hurt his feelings. He asked if he could come over last night and watch a movie.  I don't know why he didn't understand.  The way I see it is that I don't really know him so there's no reason my son should meet him.  PLUS this guy invited himself over before the first date.  It was like he thought getting in my apartment meant getting in my pants.  I made it clear that was happening either.  Now I told him everything as nicely as I could, but I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear.  When we hung up, he said he'd call to discuss show times and whatnot.  I wasn't exactly shocked when the phone didn't ring...I was relieved actually.   I don't need stalkers or drama.  Of course I had already agreed to Tuesday before I went out last Friday or I wouldn't have agreed to anything.

I went out last Friday night to Sterling's in Lewisville with Bobby.  I'd never been there...very casual...pool tables, poker, dart boards, full bar and room to just hang out.  We hung out and talked for a few hours.  (I had to be back in Irving by 11:00 p.m.)  The conversation was comfortable and the night flew by.  He paid for all my cokes. He seems sane and is funny and cute.  He walked me to my truck and gave me a hug at the end of the night.  Bonus points.  Plus he checked to make sure I got home safely that night and called the next day.  Double bonus points. >  It's early...yet I am cautiously optimistic.  If nothing else, I've made a new friend.

Forest Whitaker is the man

I just got done watching The Last King of Scotland.  Wow!  That movie was worth watching.  I didn't know anything about Uganda during the 70s so this was both entertaining and informative.  Brilliant.  Just brilliant.  I imagine Szot will show it in his cultural geography class, if he has time, when he covers Africa.   And now I have a new crush.   James McAvoy is much hotter here than as the faun in Narnia.  It took me the whole movie to place the face.  (It was hard without the horns and hooves)  If you find yourself wandering around Hollywood Video without any ideas, pick this one up. 

Oh, and Pan's Labyrinth is on dvd, as well.  I didn't rent it because I plan on buying that one...or you can buy it for my half-birthday this month.  Yes, it's in Spanish.  Yes, it's long.  See it.  It's a wonderful, ORIGINAL story.  I cried.  (Don't listen to Juana--I don't cry at every movie)

Hello? ello? ello? lo? lo? lo?

Yup.  Definite echo in here.  My friends and family don't seem to be doing much on MySpace.  And God knows they don't call me to say ""hi"" or anything.  Well, Jane calls me for our weekly Legal Minute Meeting.  But everyone else seems to be AWOL. 

Generic Update: I'm good. Work is good.  Alex is good..he'll be going to see Mom June 24th.  Damien is with Dad and Eric back home.  Kris is on a homework strike. 

On my mind tonight: Men confuse me.  Everyone wants to ""hang out"" and ""keep it casual"" and no one is ""really looking for committment or a girlfriend right now"".  Okay...I'm cool with that.  So why is it when I tell one that I can't ""hang out"" because I'm ""keeping it casual"" at the movies with another, they get all pissy?  I'm all for ""seeing what happens"" and ""not getting serious"", but I'm not gonna sit around the house waiting for him to decide if I'm worth his time.  I'm gonna chill and have margaritas with the next guy until he can ""figure out what he really wants"".  After all, I need to find a man worth my time.  And it's funny how no one is ""looking for sex"" but they sure do seem to expect it.  Screw that.  The only reason I'm shaving my legs is because it's summer and I wear shorts.  I've thrown myself wholeheartedly into relationships just to feel like a giant ass at the end for being the only one in it.  Play on playas, but when you look over in the sidelines, I won't be there.  I still got game.  Watch me now.

Feudal Fun

Jane took this test for her Abnormal Psych class.  (I'm gonna pass on the obvious joke there)  She's a Black Knight and Kris is The Merchant. 

I am the White Knight....at least I'm not the Damsel in Distress

Your distinct personality, The White Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Don Quixote was a White Knight as was Joan of Arc, the Lone Ranger and Crusader Rabbit. As a White Knight you expect nothing in return for your good deeds. You are one of the true ""Givers"" of the world. You are the anonymous philanthropist who shares your wealth, your time and your life with others. To give, is its own reward and as a White Knight you seek no other. On the positive side you are merciful, sympathetic, helpful, giving and heroic. On the negative side you may be impulsively decisive, sentimental and misdirected. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

http://www.cmi-lmi.com/kingdomality.html

"

Stuff and whatnot

The pool at the apartment complex is open again.  Alex loves the pool so we were there yesterday.  He wants to go again today and we probably will in a little bit.  When I drove by on my way in I saw a woman as big as me (possibly bigger) in a bikini.  I'm not that brave...I mean, I think I look ok in my underwear, but I'm not ready to show my rolls to the world.  I don't know whether to applaud her bravery or report her for indecent exposure. 

I took Alex to have his mohawk straightened.  We were there a few days ago and the lady made it crooked.  I went in and told the gay guy who did it the first time about it and he fixed it.  The girl was there who messed it up and I think her feelings were hurt, but I told her it was crooked and she didn't listen.  Had she done as I asked, I wouldn't have called her out.

Another kid at Alex's school got a mohawk.  He's super-white and went with bare skin on the sides.  It's freaky-looking...like uncle fester decided to put a piece of greased-up cat up the middle of his skull.  If you're gonna be a copycat, at least get it right.

The Irving Parks Department has several learn-to-swim classes for kids, but none for adults.  I never learned to swim.  I can doggy paddle so I won't drown, but I'd like to actually be able to swim.  I'm buoyant-- I just wish I could make some purposeful forward movement.

After being outbid on 5 different auctions for The Queen is Dead, I found it on an Ebay store for $0.99 plus $2.00 for shipping.  I win!  I love a good bargain. "and if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side- such a heavenly way to die..."