Drama at the dollar store

Why do I talk to strangers?

Alex and I hit the dollar store today.  There was a very long line and 2 open registers right next to each other in the same aisle so the customers all formed a single file line and waited.  This loud Messcan lady walks up in her tank top and no-bra and starts bitching about how long the line is.  She looks at me and asks, ""Can I get in line over there?""  I have no actual authority, but I tell her, ""No, we're all waiting in line for the next available register and we go around as the cashier becomes available.""  The old lady in front of me nods in agreement and the young black lady behind me gives a loud, ""Mmm hmm""  The Messcan lady makes a face to show that she clearly does not like my answer.  She asks, ""Well what if someone is daydreaming and they don't go on?""  I tell her, ""I'll let her know.""  She goes on and on to the lady next to her and still hasn't gotten in the line that's getting longer as she bitches.  I remain silent until she says to me, ""I don't know how you can smile about this.""  I said, ""In cases like this, you can choose to smile, you can choose to be miserable, or you can go the route you're taking and choose to try to make other people miserable.  Excuse me, the line is moving.""  She put her stuff in the bin next to her and said, ""I don't need this bullshit.""  By now she has irritated me and I feel my Gary wanting to come out and I tell her, ""Yeah, I don't either."" She left the store in a huff.  After she left, the old lady in front of me says, ""I'm glad she left.  Thank you, dear." The lady behind pats me on the back and said, ""Me too.""

The drama continues...  The cashier furthest from me becomes available and it's my turn so I go around.  The cashier tells me she's gonna get the lady in the front of the store real quick.  Her manager has brought this woman from the trailer park to the front of the line and explains, ""She's upset.""  I say, ""I bet I'm more upset.""  He walked away.  I seem to have that effect on people at the dollar store.   So I let the trailer lady go as the women behind me get  very loud and start raising a fuss.  Trailier lady starts to argue with the mob, which is never smart.  ""It's not my fault...the manager told me...I didn't choose this.""  Bah.  Loser.  So she pays and starts to walk away.  I say, ""Excuse me, ma'am...""  She turns and repeats that it's not her fault blah blah blah.  I said, ""Ok, I just wanted...""  She interupts me again about how she's in a hurry and not her fault.  I tried once more, ""Yes, but...""  She cut me off again and said that she didn't have time, not her fault, yadda yadda yadda.  I just shut up and let her walk out of the store.  I took my stuff out of the buggy and as the cashier rang me up, I finished my sentence, ""you dropped some money out of your purse."" and picked it up off the floor.  I paid with her $20 and then Alex and I went bowling.

"

Wil my blog thievery never end?

Ok...ok...I'm trying to stop laughing so I can type for a minute.  Whew!  My sister has a true talent for taking something stupid and taking it to a whole new level of retarded.  My family doesn't run with scissors, we run with nitrous oxide...more dangerous, if you ask me.

Without further ado.... A True Story in a True Story:

I was sitting outside smoking by myself.  The sun was shining.  The birds were singing.  The wind was gusting.  All of a sudden I begin laughing, appearing certifiable to the folks inside the building staring at me.

According to the story, Wyrd, Jane, and Josh had gone out to dinner one evening.  As they were about to get into the car, Wyrd announces: It's windy out here; if you gotta fart, better do it now before you get in the car.  Wyrd's Windy Day Theory (WWDT) was born!

The familia has cursed me with sporadic recall.  It causes me to burst out in laughter that no one outside the voices in my head can understand.  That's OK though because they're cursed with the affliction as well.  (At least 3 of them are probably laughing with tears in their eyes recalling as they read this.) Such is our world.

While WWDT can be employed outdoors while you are safely downwind from all humans, let me just remind some of you what is NOT covered by the theory:

It is NOT OK to fart in a store, shop, or other public place and walk away.  Just because you didn't linger doesn't mean your stench didn't.

It is NOT OK to fart in an upholstered chair you do not own.  As if the smell of a million asses who've sat in that chair isn't bad enough, you want to add your stale farts?

It is NOT OK to fart in a car, bus, plane, or other mode of transportation.  I am already trapped with you, don't nauseate me and make me kill you.

It is NOT OK to fart and blame it on a nearby child or animal.  Some stenches just can't be made by small creatures.

It is NOT OK to dine on beans, broccoli, and turnip dinners if you are not a hermit.  Don't eat gassy foods then expect to be near me. 

It is NOT OK to fart in the shower and knock yourself out.  I am not doing mouth-to-mouth on your nasty ass if you got knocked out by your own farts!

While the wind is still whipping, go out there and do your thing.  But please make sure you don't abuse the theory or there will be hell to pay.

Paranoia? Just Annoying.

Two different people have called here today with no idea where they were calling.  They both said the same thing, ""someone called my cell phone from there."" Neither had any idea who or why...  What is the logic here?  ""Hi, someone doesn't want to talk to me, who I may or may not know, so I want to track them down and find out who and why and disrupt your work day right now  finding out. ""

Why call somewhere if you don't know who the hell you're calling?  If someone I don't know calls and doesn't leave me a message, I assume it was a wrong number or not important.  I don't call the mis-dialer and harrass them.  I've got 60 people here, shall I ask each one if they made a phone call until someone breaks and confesses?  And then what?!?  Tell them not to make mistakes dialing the phone ever again?  Yeah...that'll solve the problem.  How neurotic, insecure, bored and lonely do you have to pull that bullshit ON PURPOSE?

I should take my own advice

Love is easy; relationships take work.  I firmly believe it.  The gee-he's-hot, I'm-so-lucky, rainbows & butterflies part is easy.  It's the swept away thing that just happens.  That part rules.  Relationships require attention and devotion.  I remember birthdays, favorite colors, colognes, candy bars, and cartoons.  It's all part of the big picture.     

 

It shouldn't be so hard…not all the time.  Sometimes in the course of a relationship, it is necessary to compromise.  I hate compromise.  I like having things my way all the time, but I try.  I really do.  I usually need a few days to consider it; I run it through my mind every which way, talk it over with someone I trust, weigh the pros and cons and decide whether it's reasonable and possible given my nature.  But when it's my turn to compromise all the time, it gets tiresome.  I know I have issues, but I'm not revamping my whole personality for a man.  I wouldn't ask it of anyone I care about.  And from personal experience, I can tell you, it's insulting to be asked. 

 

I keep replaying things in my mind.  What was, what could have been...I hate doing it.  I don't sleep.  I can't think.  I tear up at work.  I should let it go.  I have held on for way too long.  There is nothing there to hold on to.  I won't ever be her.  I can't be.  I'm just me…and for him, me is not enough.  So why can't I let it go?

Cooties, a tattletale and tea

I came to work and threw up twice yesterday before having enough sense to go home.  Scott's on vacation and I didn't want to leave them short-handed, but there are limits.  I drove home, swerving and confused and fell out when I got home.  When Alex got home, he ""took care of me"" by making me get out of bed and stay in the living room watching tv where he could see me and get me beverages.  He even passed on going out to dinner so he could stay with me.  I sweated and complained and had some soup.  My tummy doesn't like 99cent store soup.

Because Scott is on vacation, the bosses order lunch for the whole office so we're all here.  I hadn't eaten anything that stayed down since Sunday.  I was gonna have a sandwich and chips, but Kristina tattled long distance and then gave Mama my cell number so she could yell at me at work.  Just as I was about to get the first chip, I answer the phone and Mama says, ""Put down that pork chop."" Crackers for me.  

I decided I'd had enough Sprite and Gatorade and went for my tea stash.  The office's new coffee pot is hooked up to the water filtration system, has 3 warmers and a thingee just for hot water. Cranberry Apple Zinger tea is delicious.  I used to heat up my cup in the microwave, bring it back to my desk and add the tea bag.  Usually I'd forget to add the tea bag and have a glass of room temperature water but the time I remembered I wanted tea. Instead, I have just finished my nice, warm tea while typing this blog.

Ow

I literally can't walk and chew gum.  Last night, I tripped on an uneven part of the sidewalk and bit my tongue hard.  It still hurts. 

I didn't look, but it feels bruised. 

I can't talk right when I answer the phone so I'm sitting here sucking on ice chips.

Kris took me clearance shopping

I found a pair of gold satin-looking shoes with purple embroidery, white flowers and little rhinestones.  I've seen women wearing some like them all summer long and wondered if I should get a pair.  The question answered itself when I saw they were marked down to $0.90.  I have no idea what I'll wear them with...well maybe that white top with that satin-y ribbon I got for $1.20.  We struck clearance gold.  Yee haw!  I also found Alex a dragon shirt with flames. (you know the stuff he likes)  Of course I may have gone overboard...I spent $16 on clothes and shoes.

It was bound to happen

Everyday I go in Alex's backpack, pull out his uniform (he changes for gymnastics/karate), look over his homework, and sign his behavior chart.  I also pull out any papers he's wadded into the bottom as he shoves in the rest of it. 

Today I saw a yellow post-it note at the bottom.  Since his teacher and I write notes back and forth all the time, I assumed it was for me.  Nuh-uh.  In third grade girl writing, it read, ""Dear Alex, I love you.""  So I ask my son, ""What is this?"" and he says, ""It was folded up in this paper.""  Said paper was a fourth of a sheet that had been sealed with stickers; it read, ""To Alex. From your secret admire""  He smiles and shrugs.  He suggested that perhaps it was a boy who wrote it trying to fool him or a girl joking around with him.  I doubt it very much.

I can tell he is flattered, but it's not a big deal.  His teacher said he's finally socializing more with kids than adults.  These are good things.  While it's cute, it's also slightly annoying that some girl is making eyes at my baby.

In case you were interested

Kris and I went for haircuts Friday.  The ends are much smoother and the curl is prettier.  Since I don't wear my hair down very often, no one has noticed.  I've considered coloring the few grey hairs, but that's admitting defeat.  I refuse...unless I can find Feria blue black.

Work is amazingly complex lately.  Somewhat stressful.   They gave me a gas allowance so I have no excuse not to fill up at the pump.   I think I've mentioned that before, but it makes me happy so I've mentioned it again.

Boss's day is coming up.  I dunno what to get Leland.  I was thinking a doorplate for his office.  We all have those plastic inbox things on our doors, but I think a brass plate with his name and VICE PRESIDENT would be nice.  Gonna have to look around.

Alex joined cub scouts a while back.  He's so cute in his uniform.  The whole pack went to the Dallas Zoo on Saturday.   We walked forever.  It was a good time.  I'll have to go back and see the rest of it with my baby.  The pack is going camping at the end of this month.  I've never been camping.  He's looking forward to it.  I'm gonna try not to embarrass myself or my child.  We'll see.

I'm shopping for gym shoes.  I want navy, low top Chuck Taylors.  I also want basic white Nike three-quarter top cross trainers.  I can't find either.  I'm too old school for words...I'd like to think it's in the cool Run DMC Addidas way and not the White Snake purple leather boots way. 

It's allergy season.  My sinuses are not too bad, however I've had two asthma attacks this week. Not fun.  I rather like breathing. 

This makes my 101st blog entry.  Ta da!