I should take my own advice

Love is easy; relationships take work.  I firmly believe it.  The gee-he's-hot, I'm-so-lucky, rainbows & butterflies part is easy.  It's the swept away thing that just happens.  That part rules.  Relationships require attention and devotion.  I remember birthdays, favorite colors, colognes, candy bars, and cartoons.  It's all part of the big picture.     

 

It shouldn't be so hard…not all the time.  Sometimes in the course of a relationship, it is necessary to compromise.  I hate compromise.  I like having things my way all the time, but I try.  I really do.  I usually need a few days to consider it; I run it through my mind every which way, talk it over with someone I trust, weigh the pros and cons and decide whether it's reasonable and possible given my nature.  But when it's my turn to compromise all the time, it gets tiresome.  I know I have issues, but I'm not revamping my whole personality for a man.  I wouldn't ask it of anyone I care about.  And from personal experience, I can tell you, it's insulting to be asked. 

 

I keep replaying things in my mind.  What was, what could have been...I hate doing it.  I don't sleep.  I can't think.  I tear up at work.  I should let it go.  I have held on for way too long.  There is nothing there to hold on to.  I won't ever be her.  I can't be.  I'm just me…and for him, me is not enough.  So why can't I let it go?