Without further ado.... A True Story in a True Story:
I was sitting outside smoking by myself. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The wind was gusting. All of a sudden I begin laughing, appearing certifiable to the folks inside the building staring at me.
According to the story, Wyrd, Jane, and Josh had gone out to dinner one evening. As they were about to get into the car, Wyrd announces: It's windy out here; if you gotta fart, better do it now before you get in the car. Wyrd's Windy Day Theory (WWDT) was born!
The familia has cursed me with sporadic recall. It causes me to burst out in laughter that no one outside the voices in my head can understand. That's OK though because they're cursed with the affliction as well. (At least 3 of them are probably laughing with tears in their eyes recalling as they read this.) Such is our world.
While WWDT can be employed outdoors while you are safely downwind from all humans, let me just remind some of you what is NOT covered by the theory:
It is NOT OK to fart in a store, shop, or other public place and walk away. Just because you didn't linger doesn't mean your stench didn't.
It is NOT OK to fart in an upholstered chair you do not own. As if the smell of a million asses who've sat in that chair isn't bad enough, you want to add your stale farts?
It is NOT OK to fart in a car, bus, plane, or other mode of transportation. I am already trapped with you, don't nauseate me and make me kill you.
It is NOT OK to fart and blame it on a nearby child or animal. Some stenches just can't be made by small creatures.
It is NOT OK to dine on beans, broccoli, and turnip dinners if you are not a hermit. Don't eat gassy foods then expect to be near me.
It is NOT OK to fart in the shower and knock yourself out. I am not doing mouth-to-mouth on your nasty ass if you got knocked out by your own farts!
While the wind is still whipping, go out there and do your thing. But please make sure you don't abuse the theory or there will be hell to pay.
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