It's funny cuz it's true

In case you didn't know, I'm a terrible driver.  I've never denied it.  In fact, it's one of the first things I tell people.  I can't drive in the lines.  I can't pick a speed unless I have cruise control.  Once I set the cruise control, I'd almost rather rear-end someone than slow down.  When I turn, I usually hit the curb.  I'll usually call someone a crackhead at least once every ten miles.  Road rage--I'm glad to have a name for the absolute fury I feel at the dumbass who cut me off.  I LOVE to speed love, love, love...driving fast is pure pleasure.  I have a whole slew of tickets to prove it.  When I lived in Indiana and worked for the lawfirm, it never bothered me.  I'd type up the deferral myself.  Sadly, I have no such connections in Texas so I've had to slow down.    I don't know why I'm like this.  I took driver's ed.  I know the rules of the road.  I also could really care less.  A stop sign = a full and complete stop Yeah..um...pause briefly, check for cops, keep rolling.  Good times!  I tell everyone I'm a bad driver, but they never really believe me until they've experienced it first hand.  Everytime someone rides in my truck I'll see them grasping for something, sometimes with two hands, near the top of the passenger side window.  I finally asked one particularly grabby person what the hell they were doing.  They said were reaching for the oh-shit bar.  My truck doesn't have one. I don't feel bad especially for repeat passengers because I give the disclaimer before I make them buckle up.  Those same people *cough* *kris* *cough* ask me to drive when we go somewhere.  And then, blog about it like she didn't know.   

Consider yourself warned.  I'll be the designated driver, I'd much rather drive than drink, but that's not to say I'm a better driver sober than you might be drunk.  I just won't get arrested for DUI.