was that out loud?

It was out loud.  I said it.  Did the silence just get louder? Take it back.  There is no taking it back.  Well fix it then.  There's an idea... how? No idea. Dammit.  "Done bun can't be undone"  Can't un-do, can't un-say.  I know that.  Say something.  Say what?  Something!  "It slipped"  No, dumbass. Say something else.  Too late.  Oooooooohhhhhh....... Did he just say...? "I heard you"  He did.  That's what he said.  He smells so good. You should have said that.  "Should have" is for --people with sense? people with more time to waste than live.  This is living?  Close enough.  Say you're sorry.  I'm not sorry.  Say it anyway.  That would be insincere.  God, you're a dumbass.  Run.   "I'll open the car door for you"  Now I'm sorry.  get out.  Gone.  oh god...he's walking over here.  Run!  Is that a genuine smile, a polite smile or a god-she's-so-stupid smile?  just leave.  Ok.  and don't cry.  Gonna cry. don't.  Ok...won't ...yet.  Maybe I should just say how I feel.  That's how we got here.  Is that how I feel?  you said it.  Yes, I said it.