My Sandwich

I was feeling almost normal for almost 3 days.  *sigh*  Now I'm feeling crappy again and my usual meds are not cutting it this time.  I think maybe the start of it was Sunday.  I assumed it was the roller coasters, but I sat motionless in my office with my head and stomach feeling like they did at Six Flags, I realized that may have been the beginning of whatever new cooty I've contracted.  Plus the weather changes are retarded...80 degrees one day, 40 the next and tomorrow it'll be 70.  Bleah.  I'm so tired of this nonsense.  On top of all that, I'm swamped at work.  My dumb ass once again let on that I'm capable of doing stuff.  The company was getting ready to pay the printing broker guy to make minor changes to the catalog.  I volunteered to make those changes because I think the printing guy is a clueless jackass.  Once my boss realized I could do what I said, he found lots of other changes to be made.  So instead of changing a couple of words, I've spent two days on this. 

I didn't get all the stuff done I wanted to do today.  Not even close.  I had a list of four things to do by noon.  And honestly, those things could have been done if that was all I had to do.  I still have to do all the other stuff that comes with my multiple titles (none of which came with a pay raise).  I kept getting phone calls and called into his office for other stuff.  I was feverish and achey and I just wasn't feeling it.  Then at 1:00, I was ready to go to lunch and so was my boss.   He left. I couldn't.  As he walked out he was giving me something else to do before he got back. I did it all the while getting more and more upset.  I was sick, tired, hungry, hot, dizzy and feeling taken for granted.  I can't lie.  I was crying by the time I finished that one last stupid thing that could have been done back in October or next month.   

I think I'm in over my head.  When I was hired I was back-up customer service and part-time administrative assistant.  Then I was the customer service person and part-time admin.  Then I was an admin with no customer service.  Now I'm head of customer service, administrative assistant to the VP, I arrange all the crap for the trade shows (which was 90% one person's whole job) and somehow I became a graphic designer starting with the flyers and now the catalogs. 

Two months ago, I finally got the raise I was promised two years ago and I keep hearing my "role will continue to grow."  I don't want my role to grow anymore.  My role is suprsized as it is.  I'm tired of the role increasing while my paycheck stays the same. 

Everything was compartmentalized to create accountability.  Yeah right.  All it did was make it easier for folks to pass the buck, if they think one fraction of it might be my department.  Even if the person created the situation...  Not their problem now.  It's mine.  They don't know why they did it.  They just know it's a customer service issue.  They don't care that it was the wrong thing to do because they are in no way accountable for making it right.

I like most of the people I work with and I know it's hard to find that just anywhere.  It just seems, the longer I'm there, the harder it is to find joy in my work.  It's important that I be able to find joy in my work.  I spent three years at the lawfirm hating everyday of my job.  I want to feel like I've done something positive at the end of the day.  Lately, I feel like I can't do anything right.  I'm hoping this passes with the aforementioned cooties.

I took a pledge at my committee meeting for Cub Scouts, "We, the willing, have done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing at all."   It's so true, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.